ZERO :: the Fool (annwyd) wrote,
ZERO :: the Fool
annwyd

Telemarket All That You Can Be.

I've been getting many letters and emails from various universities. It's so nice to be wanted because of my big SAT numbers! Okay, yes, I'm grateful, but it can get awfully amusing sometimes.

Today's Phone Conversation: The Army Wants ME. Or Does It?
This conversation is reproduced from memory with a little more accuracy than my usual.

"Hello, may I speak to Sarah Alderdice?"
"Yeah, this is she."
"Ah, may I have a few minutes of your time to discuss the many options and benefits available to you in the Army--"
"I don't think I'm interested."
"Really?"
"Yeah, not my thing."
"Well, you must have a reason for saying that, so why don't you tell--"
"Yeah, I'm gay."
"Oh. Uh. Really?"
"Yeah. Really."
"Uh. Wow. Well, we have a policy in the--"
"I know."
"You sure you don't want to hear--"
"Positive."
"It's just a few minutes--"
"I'm kinda busy."
"Oh. Well. You sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Well, then. Goodbye, I suppose."
"Yeah. Goodbye."
I hope he didn't try to say anything after that, because if so I ended up hanging up on him.

I feel kinda sorry for the recruiting guy. I mean, he has to try. He sounded disturbingly like my trigonometry teacher, too, so I get an image of this bland scholarly guy going up to some random superiors in the Secret Telemarketing Base and saying, "She's gay, too. This is the tenth time that's happened!"
Random Superior #1: "You're obviously the Gaymaker."
Random Superior #2: "Sure you're not showing them the Spider-Man dance?"
[Both Random Superiors laugh. My Trigonometry Teacher slinks dejectedly out of the room.]
Random Superior #1: "This is fun. Should we assign him some more kids with high SAT scores?"
Random Superior #2: "Sure! Hey, think any of them are actually gay?"
Random Superior #1: Naaaah.
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