ZERO :: the Fool (annwyd) wrote,
ZERO :: the Fool
annwyd

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Fun For The Whole Family

You, too, can see a well-written book on medieval European history transformed into a gripping horror tale by the power of hypochondria! Seriously, it's a really good book, and I barely ever read nonfiction except in snippets for research. The Great Mortality by John Kelly. I'm just insane.

But the best part is that I feel like the author's sense of humor is almost as morbid as mine.
By the early fourteenth century so much filth had collected inside urban Europe that French and Italian cities were naming streets after human waste. In medieval Paris, several street names were inspired by merde, the French word for "shit." There were rue Merdeux, rue Merdelet, rue Merdusson, rue des Merdons, and rue Merdiere--as well as a rue du Pipi.
Leave it to the French and the Italians to come up with Shit Street.
Knighton believed that God smote a third or more of Europe because medieval England's most glamorous young women were becoming tournament groupies. "Whenever and wherever tournaments were held," Knighton wrote a few decades after the Black Death, "a troupe of ladies would turn up dressed in a variety of male clothing...and mounted on chargers. There were sometimes as many as forty or fifty of them, representing the showiest and most beautiful, though not most virtuous, women of the realm.... [They] wore thick belts studded with gold and silver slung across their hips, below the navel...and were deaf to the demands of modesty. But God, present in these things, as in everything, supplied a marvelous remedy"--plague.

Such great and evocative writing. It makes me want to start writing up the tragedies of history in MU* format.

Genoan #1 says "This siege sure is boring."
Genoan #2 says "Yeah, I wish it'd end already."
From outside the city walls, Mongol #1 has left.
From outside the city walls, Mongol #2 has left.
From outside the city walls, Mongol #3 has left.
From outside the city walls, Mongol #4 has left.
From outside the city walls, Mongol #5 has left.
From outside the city walls, Mongol #6 has left.
...
From outside the city walls, Mongol #2863 has left.
Genoan #1 says "?"
Genoan #2 says "Yay!"
Genoese Priest says "God has smote the heathens!"
From outside the city walls, Catapult has arrived.
Genoan #1 says "?"
Corpse of Mongol #1 has arrived.
Corpse of Mongol #2 has arrived.
Corpse of Mongol #3 has arrived.
Genoan #2 says "Assholes."

>>look #1

You see a rotting corpse.
Carrying:
Plague

Genoan #1 says "?"
Genoese Priest says "Uh--"
Corpse of Mongol #1 gives you Plague.

>>look plague

You see nothing special.
Carrying:
End of the World

Genoan #1 says "Shit."
Genoan #1 has left.
Genoan #2 has left.
Genoese Priest has left.
Plague Ship has arrived.
City of Constantinople says "Goddammit."

I'm going to hell.

Edit: FIFTY YEARS LATER
[Europe] Genoa says "HAY GISE"
[Europe] France has left this channel.
[Europe] Genoa says "sup?"
[Europe] Venice says "Oh, fuck you."
[Europe] Venice has left this channel.
[Europe] Genoa (
[Europe] Genoa says "heehee, I mean :("
[Europe] Genoa says "So, does anyone want to RP? :)"
[Europe] Germany says "..."
[CoolEurope] <An island you can't refuse> Sicily says "Can we boot the fucker already? I know where he keeps his favorite horse--"
[Europe] Genoa says "Is this still about that Black Death thing? :("
[CoolEurope] <Crossdress for Success> France says "NO SHIT SHERLOCK"
[CoolEurope] <Fuck you, France> England says "Who the hell is Sherlock, and how did you get on this channel?"
Tags: books, funny
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