Finally, the technical guys from Comcast arrived to replace everything. What did they discover lying at the source of all my connection pain?
Squirrels. Yes, squirrels. They'd gnawed through the line.
I've always said that squirrels are evil. Always. But has anyone listened to me? Noooo. I remember one time in art history class, we had to invent a culture in order to model the effects of culture upon art.
"Okay, so what do they eat?"
"Nuts, berries, that sort of thing. They're vegetarians. They don't hurt any animals."
"What? How could you!"
"Squirrels are evil."
"They're cute and furry! What's wrong with you?"
Hah! At last, I have been proved right. Squirrels are evil.
Edited to note that this does not include Rocky. He's a flying squirrel, not a regular old evil one. Rocky rules.