ZERO :: the Fool (annwyd) wrote,
ZERO :: the Fool
annwyd

LOL FANDOM.

So I decided to make the last few secrets for fandomsecrets that have been bugging me, then get the hell out of Dodge, by which I mean the Troll Cavern, by which I mean the land of FEMINISTS SUCK AND GIRLS HAVE COOTIES AND I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO THINK BECAUSE IT HUUUUURTS, by which I mean the fandomsecrets community.

I was going to make more, but then I realized: I hate it when people post angry opinions disguised as secrets, and that's what a lot of these would be. I actually am not ashamed of them. So instead, I'm going to just post them here.

* I *

I think at least 95% of the serious, unironic Sweeney/Lovett fangirls have never seen the musical. Or watched the DVD of it. Or listened to the score.

I'm not claiming they think the relationship isn't fucked up. I'm sure they know it is. But I'm pretty sure they don't realize just how fucked up it is--how he isn't just using her, but she's using him as well no matter how much she protests that she really loves him. Or how unromantic it is in the musical.

I love Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter (despite their lack of singing voices), but I'm pretty sure most of the Sweeney/Lovett fangirls just think they look pretty together.

* II *

Rinoa as Ultimecia: it does not make sense (at least, not any more than Ultimecia-as-Giant-Space-Flea-From-Nowhere oh snap I linked there again) and it never has.

Squall as Ultimecia: this actually has potential.

I made this secret, but then I realized that it totally wasn't a secret. Also, I do plan to write that fanfic eventually, and it would be embarrassing if people then went HEY YOU WROTE THAT SECRET.

So no. It's not a secret.

* III *

I ship the Sora/Riku/Kairu OT3 in Kingdom Hearts, but I think Sora/Kairi is the most canon pairing of the three--and more canon than the threesome--and I'm content with that.

* IV *

When I make fan soundtracks, sometimes I put in songs that I normally wouldn't be able to stand, because I think they fit better with the theme.

* V *

As far as I can tell, Naruto fandom consists of the following:

--People who want Lee and Sakura to start dating and be cute (and usually kind of OOC but who cares so long as it's cute) together because Lee is just so in love with Sakura and her relationship with her teammates is gross (meh)
--People who think that Lee deserves better than that stupid bitch Sakura (ugh)
--People who think that Lee is too ugly for Sakura (wtf)

Sometimes I think I'm the only fan who loves them both to pieces and adores their relationship the way it is too much to ship them.

And I wish more people really liked LeeTen instead of just claiming to ship it because they think it's the only way to get Lee out of the way of NaruSaku and Tenten out of the way of NejiHina.

[I jotted down this one back when I was more into Naruto, but never got around to making it...partially because it wasn't really a secret.]

* VI *

I love some doomed and tragic pairings...

...but my OT3s? I just want them to be happy in the end.

That's why I can't love Guts/Griffith/Casca as much as some of you do. Sorry. I still really like it, though.

* VII *

I know it's just South Park, but I thought this episode was one of the best, most brutal satires of stupid white privilege I've ever seen. But it makes me wonder if there are better executions of the concept that have been ignored because they were written by black people.

* VIII *

I read Maus as research for a project about the children of Holocaust survivors. It's a powerful, moving story told in a creative way.

But I don't think it's the best comic book/"graphic novel" ever, and I feel like that's wrong.

(It doesn't help that it bugs the crap out of me when people rave about how it's the only "graphic novel" ever to be true literature.)

* IX *

Whenever I see a fan recommend certain ship_manifesto essays, I feel kind of sad.

It's not the pairing, not really. It's the fact that they think such crappy essays do a good job of explaining their ship.

* X *

The musical Camelot will always be my favorite take on Arthurian legend.

* XI *

I know a lot of people think those images are dumb and furry and make you a bad fan.

But I've always wanted more cute Team 7 fanart of kitty!Sasuke, fox!Naruto, and bunny!Sakura. Those pictures make me happy.

(Fanart of sexy older cat!Sasuke molesting innocent baby fox!Naruto doesn't count. barf. Needs moar bunny!Sakura. Or at least moar kitty!all of them, if it's not too much to ask.)

[Shamefully, this is still true, even though I don't really care about the series anymore.]

* XII *

When I write complicated meta about the deep meanings and/or subtle social prejudices of a canon, I'm not trying to tell fandom that they shouldn't simply enjoy things. Most people who write that stuff aren't. Really: just ask. I'm pretty sure most of us do it because we think it's interesting. If we're trying to "force" you to do anything, it's just to think about it for a little while. And it really gets on my nerves how fandom acts as if the moment someone starts getting a little tl;dr about sexism or politics, they turn into a crazy freak bent on destroying people's fun.

* XIII *

I really wish fandom would stop acting like anyone who likes Squall/Rinoa is a delusional idiot.

Yeah, I know it's not perfect and could have used better development. Most of the fans do. I can see why people don't care for it. But it's hardly the stupidest, craziest pairing ever made, and it's perfectly possible to be a sane, intelligent fan who enjoys their chemistry.*

(I'm also really tired of people demonizing FFVIII as the worst game evar and its fans as idiots. Everything in the FF series has its good points and its silly, silly flaws. Some of the games just appeal to some people more. Deal with it. Why must this game, this pairing, and this heroine be the redheaded stepchildren of the entire FF franchise?)

* I can guarantee at least one person will reply with "haha you moron, can't you see they have no chemistry!" [Or would have had I actually posted it on fandomsecrets.] That's what I'm talking about, you guys.

* XIV *

I know fandom isn't stupid. Lots of people in it produce amazing stuff.

So why do so many of them seem so willfully determined to take the route of least brainpower?

"LOL FAGGOT"

"OMG FEMINAZI"

"WTF I HATE UR SHIP"

"BAWWW THAT CHARACTER DID SOMETHING STUPID/MEAN/GIRLY THEY SUCK"

CRITICAL THINKING: I wish more people in fandom would use it more often. I'd get accused of being a pretentious elitist if I said so, though.

* * *

Some other stuff, before I forget:
--Am up to the epilogue of Velvet's book in Odin Sphere. After relentless grinding and much dining out, she is at HP Level 40. She's a few levels behind in Psypher, though. I think when I replay the various books, I'll swap to the Japanese voice tracks for variety.
--Velvet is really distracting to watch. It's not that she jiggles...it's that her jiggle is not nearly as unrealistic and bizarre as Odette's, the most prominent offender of this type until Velvet's book. She still jiggles more than a real woman would (possibly because she dresses in scarves and chains rather than anything practical), but her boobs move as if they were part of her chest rather than wild animals sealed inside airbags and leashed to her body. It's unexpected.
--Spending nearly five hours straight working on my Simon/Nia essay wiped out my creativity pretty badly yesterday. I suck. I was going to get the second draft done over the weekend, but I think it'll have to wait for next week. Hopefully I'll still be done with the whole thing by the end of that week, though.
--Going into NYC tomorrow. Delicious dumplings await.
Tags: fandom, final fantasy viii, naruto, odin sphere, ship_manifesto, sweeney todd
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